Saturday, August 2, 2008

kissing. the rules of attraction. safety.

I like to think of myself as the type of girl who doesn't worry about whether guys like her or not. I worry about whether I like them. But the truth is I'm not a girl anymore and I'm looking for something a little more real than in past.

And, to be honest with myself, of course I care what people think of me. So what happens when you feel that initial attraction, and then you actually act on it and it feels nice. We're not talking sex here, just a kiss; sex gets complicated. But how can you tell when sex is on the table. Okay, not literally. That would be pretty obvious. But if you don't want sex to be on the table, how do you act on those initial sparks? i suppose it helps to be honest, but how do you do that and play the tough guy? Okay, that's easy enough to do when you meet a stranger at a club and you're dancing. I reach my quota of songs or time dancing with one guy, and that moment comes where I tell him I'm going home with my friends and that if he's looking to get laid he should dance with someone else. Then I feel safe dancing with him. For a while at least. Then I go find my friends.

But what happens when it's actually someone you wouldn't mind dating, but don't know if you like. How do you distinguish a hook up from something with more potential. My general rule is to assume it's a hook up so as not to get hurt, but that seems to have stopped working when I stopped casually hooking up. It hurts too much. It either feels empty afterwards, or disappointing or...

I don't feel safe with most men. It's going to take a long time for me to feel safe again. And I'm ready to start trying to get to know the right people, but this whole learning to communicate thing is more work than a casual kiss should require.

What does a kiss mean? Yes, I might like you, but this is where it ends. Or, yes, I might like you and lets take this a step further. Maybe that's the right moment to say, that was nice, lets do it again. And then say, listen, I'm in a place in my life where I'm taking things really slow. I like you and I like this, but I'm not ready for it to go much further, at least not right now. I don't know how you feel, maybe this is where it ends. If you want to see each other again, I'd like that. If not, hey, it was a fun night and that's cool.

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